Neulich am Frühstückstisch. Die Sonne scheint endlich, der Himmel ist wolkenlos blau. Friedlich.
Ich gucke auf D., der in Ruhe seinen Kaffee trinkt.
„Mein lieber D., wir waren noch nie tanzen, seitdem wir uns kennen.“
D. schreckt auf, verschluckt sich an seinem heißen Kaffee. Hustet. Fängt sich mühsam wieder:
„Das hat auch seinen guten Grund.“ Es folgt eine längere Erklärung. Ein Corporal hätte ihm einst das Rhythmusgefühl einer schwangeren Katholikin bescheinigt. Er könne nur den britischen Marschschritt, Foxtrott hätten sie ihm nicht beigebracht. Für Soldaten sei Tanzen so nutzlos wie ein Aschenbecher auf einem Motorrad (immer diese bildlichen Vergleiche..). Im übrigen sei er männlich, Tanzen daher ausgeschlossen. Thema Ende.
Falsch, mein lieber D., guck mal hier:
annachiedotcom 
In Wolfenbüttel in the mid-70s we had a song, „Dance, Dance, Wherever You May Be, for the Scarlet Lancers in Germany.“
Anyway, here are some more Army metaphors…
EXTRACTS FROM OFFICERS‘ ANNUAL CONFIDENTIAL REPORTS
„Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap“
„He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.“
„This Officer should go far – and the sooner he starts, the better.“
„This officer is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot.“
„Only occasionally wets himself under pressure.“
„This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won’t-be.“
„When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.“
„He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.“
„He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.“
„Technically sound, but socially impossible.“
„This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope – always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.“
„This young man has delusions of adequacy.“
„When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably. “
„This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.“
„Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.“
„She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.“
„His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.“
„I would not breed from this Officer.“
„This officer has the astonishing ability to provoke something close to a mutiny every time he opens his mouth“.
Daraus hättest Du doch einen eigenen Artikel machen können. Viel zu Schade um in den Kommentaren zu verschwinden..
As we say in English, watch this space… 🙂